Adoption = Fear?

Recently we were reunited with a birthmom who placed 2 children 11 and 13 years ago with a loving Christian family. After sacrificing her own desires so that her children could have a family and a life that she felt she could not give them, this adoptive family "disappeared". They have not communicated with her for more than 10 years. They moved and did not inform the agency. It is apparent that they have no intention or desire to have contact with the very woman who gave them a family.
My heart breaks as we hear this woman share the pain and grief of being rejected by the couple who received her children as their own through adoption. She longs to know how her boys are doing - what they look like - what they love to do. It is simple - a letter, some pictures would make a huge difference.
Why does this couple run away from this precious young woman? Is it because they fear her involvement? Do they fear that their boys will love her more than they love them? Have they simply discarded her worth as a birthmother?
How can a couple profess to be Christians and then so easily walk away from the woman who gave them such incredible gifts?
I don't have an answer to these questions but I would love to hear your thoughts.
I am still praying that the Lord will soften the hearts of this couple and stir within them a love for this precious woman - the birthmother of their boys.

Life is Precious!

There are some days that I am blessed to be taken back to the important things in life. This week I had one of those days.
I met with a client who thought that aborting her baby was the only option she had. She was living a life of desperation and sadness.

We talked and she cried. I got the opportunity to show her the baby inside of her via ultrasound. There was no manipulation - no magic answers - no problems solved. There was only life - a tiny baby - doing somersaults inside the safety of its mother's womb - a beating heart that in reality is smaller than the eraser on a pencil.

These are the things that are really important - the miracle of a life created - a life that only God can create.

This young woman left with a resolve to give life to the baby inside of her. She did not leave with a plan for her future. She knew that survival would only be possible one day at a time.

We will be there for her. We will help her determine how to relieve some of the issues that have caused the desperation in her life.

Please remember these young women - they need love - they need Jesus - they need a community that will surround them and encourage them to become the woman God has designed them to be.

Loving Your Child's Birthmother

Tonight I spent the evening with birthmothers in our monthly support group. They each have different stories.

One of them just placed her baby girl 3 weeks ago. She is grieving - she is at peace. Her arms ache with emptiness but her heart tells her that she made a good decision for her daughter. She already sees the amazing things that God has done and continues to do through this unplanned pregnancy. God has used this time in her life to bring her back to Him, restore relationships and give hope to a family that had lost all hope.

Another grieves tonight in a different way. Her life has been riddled with difficulties. Her son is 13 years old and she allowed those issues to separate her from the contact with her son that has always been freely offered by his adoptive parents.
Tonight she admits the fear that her son will never forgive her for missing his last 5 christmases and birthdays. Tonight perhaps she will begin a journey of healing.

The third young woman shares a sad story of broken promises and her broken heart. She placed her child in a private placement and the promises that the adoptive family made so quickly before the baby was born have now turned to fear and anger and a refusal to communicate with her or send pictures. She wants very little - she poses no threat, but she has no recourse - no solution - no advocate and tonight she simply needs to pour her heart out to others who can truly feel her pain. My heart breaks for her and the hopelessness of her situation.

The last woman has an awesome adoptive family who truly honor her. They will help their one-year old son to always know and love his birthmom. She has had a hard life and tonight she asks for prayer that she will have the strength to set her life on a straight path.

Our desire is to minister to these women and to advocate for them. All adoptions are unique, but I pray that more adoptive families (especially those in private placements) will seek out training and preparation for adoption. Many of the broken relationships are results of a lack of education. Families and birthmoms need preparation and they need an advocate.
I have seen private placements that work, but I have seen many more where fear has consumed adoptive families and the birthmother loses.

God builds families through adoption through birthmoms who make a courageous decision to give her child a life that she cannot give them. Adoptive families have an opportunity to be Jesus to these young women - to offer grace and mercy to the woman who made the incredible sacrifice.

How do you honor your child's birthmom?