Thursday, August 30, 2007

What is your greatest fear?

When we ask a birthmother this question she most often responds with two answers -
1. I worry that the adoptive family won't love my baby.
2. I am afraid that after I give them my baby they won't love me anymore or stay in touch with me.

When we ask an adoptive couple this question, they almost always reply... We are afraid that a birthmother will want her baby back.

It's interesting to know what each other fears the most.

I have worked in adoption for almost 19 years and in that time I have seen approximately 3 women ask to have their baby returned to them after placement. Of course, there are other legal issues that could possibly disrupt an adoption but even these are much fewer in number than the media would portray.

It is important that birthmothers never feel pressured or feel a sense of obligation to the adoptive family. Adoption, as we do it today, provides an incredible sense of peace, security and comfort to a birthmom as she chooses a family, has visits with the family and has the freedom to make a plan for her baby. There is nothing sweeter than seeing a birthmother and an adoptive family simply fall in love with each other. It is a picture of love that very few have the opportunity to witness.

Of course, there are times when a birthmother changes her mind about adoption after the baby is born. This is incredibly tough for the adoptive family - it is a failed placement - a loss for that couple. But, so much better to have that decision made before you take your baby home with you.

As we approach adoption from a Christ-like perspective we have to be reminded that our first goal should be to represent Jesus to a birthmother. If a birthmother chooses to parent, adoptive families must lean of Christ, acknowledge the pain and trust that God knows exactly the baby that He has chosen, even before the foundation of the earth, to be a part of your family.

Adoption is a journey and God wants to use this journey to grow you and refine you and make you more like Him. When the baby He has planned for you is placed in your arms, you will understand at that moment the sacrificial love of a birthmom and the incredible blessing that God is pouring out on you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Honoring a Courageous Woman

Tonight I honor a young woman who made the most unselfish and loving decision that anyone can make. Tonight she completed a well thought-out plan for her baby girl - she placed her baby with a couple who would become her forever family.

This was not a plan that would free her of responsibility.

This was not a plan that implied a lack of love for her daughter.

This was not a mother rejecting the child that grew in her body. This was not an easy plan.

This is a woman who desires more for her baby than she could possibly provide.

This is a woman who took a hard look at her life and knew that she was not ready to be the kind of parent that she wanted her daughter to have.

This is a woman who loves her daughter and put her best interest before her own.

This is a woman who showed more courage than I can comprehend.

Tonight she is home with an empty womb and empty arms. She will grieve the loss of this child, but she will also be reminded that her daughter will be raised by two parents - a father and a mother - who will love her as if she were flesh of their flesh. She will know that she made the decision out of an amazing love for her baby.

Pleae pray for this young woman as she grieves. If you know a birthmother who placed her baby for adoption, applaud her, encourage her and support her decision.

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Beginning of the Journey

Our adoption journey began on Saturday night, January 14, 1989. My husband and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home alone - fire in the fireplace...Houston Rockets on TV... our 4 kids out doing the teenage thing. All of this equals an amazing night at home, enjoying the fact that our children were starting to do things on their own and we were beginning to see the signs of "empty nest". I was scheduled to start work at New Life the very next Tuesday. What timing!

With one phone call the next 18 years of our lives changed. Jessica literally arrived on our doorstep late that night. We knew her birthfamily so we knew the difficulties that she had faced in her short 3 months of life. She was quiet and deep inside her we knew that she was afraid and wondered if she could trust these new people in her life. We began this journey expecting it would last for a weekend. But, as God would have it, the weekend stretched to more than 9 months. That is when the journey became difficult and painful.

As a family, we committed to this baby girl even when she was taken from our home and it seemed that it was impossible. We determined that we would be there for her as long as God allowed. We traveled a treacherous legal path and waited on God. We prayed intensely. We fasted and prayed regularly. We believed God and followed His directives. We eventually, by faith, relinquished our own desires and told God that we would accept willingly what He desired for her and for us - the hardest thing we have ever done. The details belong to my daughter so I will not share those.

The beauty of this story is that God protected a precious baby girl and honored the prayers of a family dedicated to her best interest. Before Jessica was conceived in her birthmother's womb God had a plan for her. He knew that she would be grafted into the Seay family and that this was the place he had designed for her to grow and become all that He wanted her to be.
And so - on October 30, 1992, our baby girl became OUR baby girl! Praise be to God!

Get to know Jessica by checking out her blog (

I would love to hear how God led you on your adoption journey. After doing this for 18 years, I know that every family has a story of how God brought them to the point of adoption. We encourage each other by sharing our story. Would you share it with me?