Tonight I spent the evening with birthmothers in our monthly support group. They each have different stories.
One of them just placed her baby girl 3 weeks ago. She is grieving - she is at peace. Her arms ache with emptiness but her heart tells her that she made a good decision for her daughter. She already sees the amazing things that God has done and continues to do through this unplanned pregnancy. God has used this time in her life to bring her back to Him, restore relationships and give hope to a family that had lost all hope.
Another grieves tonight in a different way. Her life has been riddled with difficulties. Her son is 13 years old and she allowed those issues to separate her from the contact with her son that has always been freely offered by his adoptive parents.
Tonight she admits the fear that her son will never forgive her for missing his last 5 christmases and birthdays. Tonight perhaps she will begin a journey of healing.
The third young woman shares a sad story of broken promises and her broken heart. She placed her child in a private placement and the promises that the adoptive family made so quickly before the baby was born have now turned to fear and anger and a refusal to communicate with her or send pictures. She wants very little - she poses no threat, but she has no recourse - no solution - no advocate and tonight she simply needs to pour her heart out to others who can truly feel her pain. My heart breaks for her and the hopelessness of her situation.
The last woman has an awesome adoptive family who truly honor her. They will help their one-year old son to always know and love his birthmom. She has had a hard life and tonight she asks for prayer that she will have the strength to set her life on a straight path.
Our desire is to minister to these women and to advocate for them. All adoptions are unique, but I pray that more adoptive families (especially those in private placements) will seek out training and preparation for adoption. Many of the broken relationships are results of a lack of education. Families and birthmoms need preparation and they need an advocate.
I have seen private placements that work, but I have seen many more where fear has consumed adoptive families and the birthmother loses.
God builds families through adoption through birthmoms who make a courageous decision to give her child a life that she cannot give them. Adoptive families have an opportunity to be Jesus to these young women - to offer grace and mercy to the woman who made the incredible sacrifice.
How do you honor your child's birthmom?
1 comment:
We honor her by talking about her to Justus all the time...by putting her picture, posing with him on his second birthday, on our counter for everyone to see, including Justus, everyday. We honor her by sending e-mails, letters, and pictures, even though I wish I did it more. I try to keep her updated on what he's doing, and also find out how she is doing and how we can pray for her. We honor her by praying fervently, passionately, and daily for her salvation. I have never felt so burdened for someone to come to know Jesus as I have with her. I pray believing that she will have a real encounter with Jesus that will change her life forever.
To see pictures of Justus with his birthmom, you can look at our blog www.bacakblogginit.blogspot.com, and scroll down to Justus' recent birthday pics. Kathleen is beautiful, and Justus looks so much like her. She is far from perfect, but I cannot seperate her from him...I cannot love him and not love her...I cannot fathom the selflessness that she has shown and continues to show to us. And it convicts me, because she is not a believer, and I am.
Thanks for this blog Mom! It is great! Continue to challenge us!
jenn
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